Category: Life Lessons

I’ve wasted over 16 years of potential, and it mostly comes down to a few factors. 

First, being afraid of things that only seem tough until you actually sit with them. 

It started early. I first touched a computer in primary school and genuinely enjoyed messing around with it. But somewhere along the way, I convinced myself it was too hard to learn properly, so I never tried. 

That feeling followed me into high school, where I avoided taking computer studies as my Group 5 subject, not because I didn’t like it, but because I feared failing. So I took subjects that meant nothing to me instead.

Around the same time, I picked up a belief that would cost me everything. That people are born either good or bad at something and that you can’t just learn your way to excellence through time if it’s not your thing. 

I carried that lie for years. It showed up in how I approached my career, in how I thought about money, and in almost every other area where growth required me to embrace discomfort first. 

In retrospect, I believe, if I had challenged that mindset earlier on, I’d be an entirely different person right now.  

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The second thing that’s held me back is consistency, or lack thereof. I’m not sure when it became an issue, but I’ve struggled with it for a while. 

What makes it tricky is that it manifests itself as something that feels like a strength: I’m creative, and I have many ideas that I’m happy to start working on, but struggle to finish. In short, I have Shiny Object Syndrome. 

It showed up early in school; I couldn’t stick to any path, neither becoming good at a subject nor excelling at a sport.

And the frustrating part is that my only real job back then was to study. My parents handled everything else. Yet even with that freedom, I couldn’t commit to my books, and that cost me throughout high school. It cost me good scores, prefecture, and an A of 84 points in KCSE. 

University wasn’t any different. I missed out on doing the course I actually wanted and let a real shot of studying in the USA slip away, both times because I couldn’t stay consistent long enough to see things through. The same pattern ate into my grades year after year and eventually cost me a good GPA. 

Post-university, things only got more chaotic. I’ve dabbled between freelancing and formal employment, and bounced between different industries, never quite settling. There’s no cleaner way to put it; it’s a mess. And honestly, even today, I still struggle with being consistent. 

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The third thing is addiction to explicit X-rated content. I first stumbled onto it in Class 5, through my first phone, a Nokia C2-00. By class 8, I was already addicted. I carried this addiction through high school, university, and earlier in my career without fully grasping what it was doing to me. 

It was only a few years ago that I stopped and looked into what the addiction was doing to my brain. And after studying its effects, I started connecting the dots—it’s likely a big part of why I always shied away from hard things, why a growth mindset never quite stuck, and why consistency has felt so out of reach.

The worst thing about the addiction isn’t the time it steals from you; it’s what it does to your brain; it ‘cooks’ it. It causes a level of stimulation that’s way above normal, so your brain loses its ability to think clearly, to commit, and to care enough about ordinary things to see them through. 

I’m glad I fought back. For the last 5 years, I’ve fought that addiction, and as of this writing, I’ve clocked over a year since I last watched such content. I feel I’ve taken my life back. 

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The last thing is a lone-wolf mentality—the stubborn need to do things on my own. I don’t understand why doing things solo feels more worthwhile, yet, ironically, I haven’t figured out much on my own. 

I avoided computer studies both in primary school and in high school because I thought I’d have to figure it all out on my own. In high school I wanted to be the guy who could claw his way from the bottom to the top of the class with sheer solo effort, but it never happened.

When I was pursuing university admission in the US, I never considered getting help from people around me. I gave up when things got tough. 

In university, I was so out of touch with my civil engineering course that I couldn’t bring myself to ask course mates for help. 

After graduating, I turned down my dad’s offer to get me a job so I could pursue my ‘passion’ and make it by myself. It was a good experience in some ways, but I failed spectacularly. 

Even now, as I try to retrace my civil engineering roots, I still struggle with the same instinct, wanting to figure things out on my own. 

I don’t understand why this is my default disposition. Though I think it’s heavily tied to point number three. The addiction likely hollowed my self-perception and made me more reclusive than I naturally would have been.  

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These four cost me my potential and wasted some of the most consequential years of my life. In an alternate universe where I trust my intelligence, stay consistent in the few things that matter, never fall into addiction, and know how to seek help, I’m a fundamentally different person.

These would probably be my credentials. Just to mention a few, I’d likely have:

• A distinction in computer studies from primary school
• 4 years of computer studies in high school, with a computer project presented in contests
• An A of 84 points from the Alliance High School.
• Admission to Cornell University to pursue computer science or computer engineering. 
• Founding a startup while in university and getting it funded from Silicon Valley and later selling the startup to a big tech company. 
• Working for at least one of the big tech companies in the USA.  

In that alternate universe, I’d be a 30-year-old tech genius with enviable work experience, a powerful professional network, solid career confidence, and $10 million in savings.

Now, that’s not my reality, though I’m not badly off. While I wasted part of my potential, I still managed to make something good of myself, and I’m on track to lead a very comfortable life in Kenya. 

But I believe I can do much more, and that’s what I want. I can do so by making use of every opportunity I have now, not letting the factors that wasted me before hold me back again. 

The next 10 years should be the most consequential to my life, and I must overturn everything I let slip in the past 16.

In Matthew 22:15-22, a story is told of how the Pharisees and Herodians sent out their disciples to trick Jesus.

They asked, “Teacher, we know you’re a man of integrity and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. You aren’t swayed by others because you pay no attention to who they are. Tell us, then, what is your opinion? Is it right to pay the imperial tax to Caesar or not?”

But Jesus already knew their intentions. If he encouraged tax payment, it would anger the Jewish populace. On the other hand, if he forbade it, it would be considered an act of treason against Rome. 

Jesus said, “Show me the coin used for paying tax.” They brought him a denarius. He asked, “Whose image is this?” And whose inscription?” 

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

Then he said to them, “So give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.”

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This was a catch-22 ploy, a close-ended question with ‘yes’ and ‘no’ as answers, and neither of the two was politically correct. Jesus was about to nuke his political career, but he reframed it and answered perfectly. 

I can’t help but borrow this brilliance when tackling the question at hand: do I get a job or follow my passion? I have to because while the stakes aren’t as high in my life, they can be for anyone who takes advice in the literal sense and applies it.

If I tell you to get a job, you might have a decent career, opportunities to make serious money, and the ability to lead a comfortable life. But also, you might end up a prisoner of the rat race and go through life doing things just to make enough to cover bills and, worse off, end up in your deathbed regretting never being true to yourself.

If I tell you to follow your passion, you might find yourself in a desperate and futile race to figure things out so you can scale Maslow’s hierarchy of needs without ‘working a day in your life.’ But also, the possibility of stars aligning and you finding the right people, systems, and opportunities to catapult you to a well-lived life where you fulfilled your purpose is there. 

In short, there’s no sure bet of the path your life will take once you set out to answer this question. Advice is subjective; it works for some and fails for others. 

However, I still don’t want to take the cowardly stance of not committing to a course. So in a desperate attempt to sound Shakespearean, I’ll say:

“Do thy job and follow thy passion.”

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For the sake of alignment in definition, a job pays the bills; a passion nourishes the spirit. A job is what you HAVE to do to meet your material needs and live harmoniously with people. A passion is what you WANT to do to meet your spiritual need or just because it makes you feel alive. Meanwhile, ‘and’ is used to imply duality; do both, not either. 

If you commit to a job that pays bills but slowly deprives your spirit, you’ve won the world but lost your soul. Ultimately, the value of a job you can lose and get replaced instantly is nothing compared to the soul with infinite value. 

If you commit to a passion that cannot sustain your daily needs—food, health, shelter, logistics, and relationship fulfillment—then you’re in for a rough patch. And the longer you stay there, the more you lose touch with your true self. For every person who overcame this rough patch, there are 100s or even 1000s who didn’t.

The phrase therefore gives you a model to help you live comfortably (giving Caesar what belongs to Caesar) while fulfilling your life’s purpose (giving God what belongs to God).

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There are three ways to look at this. 

First, the phrase highlights a distinction between temporary authority (worldly needs) and eternal authority (spiritual needs). Although one holds more water than the other, the phrase emphasizes the need for both to harmonious coexistence. Therefore, we are called upon a mission of dual obligations. 

Secondly, it calls on you to take individual accountability, civic duty, and social responsibility seriously. Pursuing your passion feels noble and right. But when it threatens other aspects of your existence and the people around you, it becomes selfish, not only towards others but also to yourself. If you’ve ever been on the treacherous path of putting all your eggs in one basket and trying to make your singular passion work, you can relate. Burning all the ships is brave and can sometimes get you exponential rewards. But logically, the odds are stacked against you. Most people need a backup plan.

Thirdly, it is a reminder to prioritize nourishing your spirit, because everything else is fleeting. Jobs are impermanent, workers are replaceable, power is transient, money comes and goes, and fame is seasonal, but the soul is yours now and in the next life. The most common regret dying people have: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

So it’s wise to hold on to what life gives you without ever neglecting your true self. 

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Start by GETTING and KEEPING the best job you can in your CURRENT capacity. 

To get a job, look at every advantage you have. Whether you’re good at something most of your peers struggle with, or you’re affiliated with institutions with good opportunities for members, or you have wealthy parents and well-connected relatives. Any advantage you have, especially if it feels unfair to have. Use that as the launchpad to get a job that can sustain you.

To keep a job, do what is needed of you to become a valuable member of the company. This means doing your duties and responsibilities, abiding by company rules and policies, delivering value consistently, and keeping your seniors happy. No need to complicate things. Pulling unnecessary all-nighters and sucking up to people is for pretenders. 

The word ‘current’ also serves a purpose: to mean that conditions change with time. At 24, you’re probably a fresh graduate with zero years of experience and no one to get you a job. Securing a 40K net salary junior developer or graduate trainee job out of a thousand job applications and relentless follow-up is impressive. You can be forgiven for settling for the job. 

At 30, you have over 5 years of experience, 1 year’s worth of savings, in-demand industry skills, and a reliable professional network. Continuing to settle for that same job whose salary may have only doubled amid inflation and a young family to raise is cowardly. Under these new conditions, you’re well within your rights to get a better job. 

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ALWAYS FOLLOW your PASSION.

Each of us has unique things we are drawn to. Tasks that are simple for us but daunting to others. The kind of work we’d do for nothing and still outperform those who charge a fortune for subpar results. 

These passions may be sparked by the world around us, but the fire to pursue them burns from within. No matter your civic or social obligations, never lose sight of these internal callings; they are the heart of who you are.

To follow requires personal initiative. It means doing even when you don’t have to. It means doing it for the sake of it. If something nourishes your soul, and you set time aside to do it, even while you continue to fulfill your other obligations, you’ve followed your passion.

Whether you’re a student with little to no expenses, someone searching for a job, or a professional working a 9-to-5 job, you should always be pursuing your passion. If you can’t find time, make it. Use the safety net of your parents’ support, ample time when job hunting, and after hours to work on your passion. 

It doesn’t matter what stage in life you are at; simply set aside time every day to live up to your true self. 

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I can think of four general outcomes if you apply this model. 

First, your job takes precedence, but you manage to dedicate a percentage of your life to being your true self. At the very least, you’ll cherish the things you do in that small percentage of time.

Second, you find a balance, and both your job and passion dominate your life in almost equal measure. Your job funds your passions. Your job becomes your outlet for serious work, while your passion lets you put your guard down. In the end, you lead a balanced life.

Thirdly, you discover a way to marry the two. You find creative ways of bringing your passions into your job or gravitating towards aspects of your job that utilize your passions. This can only be achieved by embracing both over a long time. This state can be more fulfilling than a balanced life. 

Lastly, it’s when your passion replaces your job and takes over the bills. It comes when skill, consistency, opportunity, and luck compounding over time finally lead to your big break. Your passion outearns your job, and you can now afford to quit and pursue your vocation. I don’t know about you, but this state sounds like ultimate fulfillment to me. 

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At 3 weeks shy of 30, I may have a limited view of what it entails to have a fulfilling career life. 

But over the past six years of experimenting with my work life—leaping from a stable, lucrative path to stubbornly chasing a passion, then circling back to formal jobs just to stay afloat—I’ve gained a narrow but hard-earned perspective that might resonate with someone feeling lost, confused, and worn out by the search for direction.

To them, I say,

Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.

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Inspired by:

• New International Version (NIV) Bible, Matthew 22:15-22

I define detachment as the ability to pursue anything without getting attached to the outcome of your pursuit, i.e., whether you get it or not. The opposite of detachment is attachment, and it’s something many can relate to. For instance, if you are pursuing a crush, and you get attached to that feeling, you sign your emotional state and self-perception to the outcome of your pursuit. If she accepts you, your self-worth gets a boost. If she turns you down, it crashes your ego. Detachment is when none of the two outcomes matter. Whether she accepts or rejects you, it doesn’t change how you feel after the fact or how you perceive yourself. Note, however, that detachment doesn’t mean ‘not caring about anything.’ You can care about a goal passionately and at the same time not be attached to it. 

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It’s wise to detach from as many worldly things as possible because it sets you free. If everything you experience defines how you feel and view yourself, you’ll wallow in misery. I say this because failing is not just inevitable but also frequent. You fail every day. Some days even end without you getting anything right. So if you define your self-worth from your failures, you’ll have a low sense of self-worth. But if you detach and not let your failures define you, you’re free. You can do things passionately for the sake of it. And what a free way to live when you choose to experience life just because you can. 

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There are two kinds of people who need to cultivate detachment. First, emotional people—people who react to almost everything. People whom it’s easy to make happy, as much as it is to soil their mood. If you’re fond of taking everything personally. If you think all that’s happening around you is connected to who you are, you’re bound to be attached to plenty of things that really don’t matter. Secondly, it’s people with low self-esteem. People who struggle to believe in themselves often come from environments that trained their focus on failure instead of progress or possibility. They were told they don’t matter and they won’t amount to anything. They’ve tried so many things, failed, and internalized helplessness. Both emotional instability and low self-esteem come from a habit of getting attached to external conditions and outcomes.

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Detachment is the surest way to reverse both states. When you detach from your feelings, you move from being a reactor to an observer. When someone insults you, it doesn’t affect you because your mind no longer places any weight in their words. You see them as a projection of their personal issues rather than a definition of who you are. So it doesn’t move you a bit. Moreover, if you detach from outcomes, you shift from defining your value as the culmination of what you’ve achieved and not achieved to the culmination of your experiences. This means, therefore, that you see your wins and failures objectively, as experiences. You see failures as evidence of your ability to go outside your comfort zone, to get things done—things most people are afraid to even try—to live, and to learn. That’s an affirmation that your worth has grown just because you experienced life, which is what we all ought to do. This helps you move on from failures easily and faster. You become less vulnerable to emotions of failure and find it easy to pick yourself up and move on.

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Now, how do you practice detachment when you’ve had much past conditioning that caused you to try to control everything? 

It starts with realizing that you actually need very little. Air, water, food, sleep, and health. With just that, you can live fully. Everything else is a nice-to-have. Remind yourself every time you sense attachment issues creeping in. 

Next, realize that the reward is not the outcome, but rather, the process of pursuing the outcome. Look at the journey you’re on as an enjoyable experience. After all, you’re stacking experiences and developing skills. 

Thirdly, remember not to wait for the result to be happy. Human desires are insatiable. You’ll never get to a point where you have ‘everything you ever wanted’ because that changes ‘every time you get what you wanted.’ At any moment, you’re as happy as you make up your mind to be. If you keep this in mind, you’ll find it easy to let go of any desired outcome as a course for your inner peace. 

Lastly, practice detachment. It won’t be easy to start becoming aloof and objective with every goal you pursue, especially if your conditioning is anything but. However, if you look at detachment as a muscle to train for so long that it becomes second nature, then you can master the art of detachment.

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If you don’t know what you need to detach from, maybe focus on anything you think defines your value. For most people, it’s their level of success, especially in comparison to their peers. Whenever they see friends sharing happier, more respectable, more comfortable lives on social media, they feel it’s a sign they aren’t doing enough or something went wrong somewhere. For others, it’s who they want to be in a relationship with. Others mind about their status in the society and how others treat them. There’s more too. But when you look at all these examples, one thing is common: they all stem from ego (the urge to be in control). So we can sum it up by saying, anything you peg your ego on, learn to detach. 

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Two interesting quotes I came about. This

In detachment lies the wisdom of uncertainty. In our willingness to step into the unknown, we surrender ourselves to the creative mind that orchestrates the dance of the universe. 

…and this…

The things we chase with desperation often feel the hardest to obtain, while those we approach lightly sometimes fall into place with surprising ease. 

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Inspired by:

• Midson-Short, • Daniel. (2024, November 12). The subtle art of detachment.
• Smart is Sexy. (2026, March 12). You’d be better/smarter/more attractive if you just detached.